Late Nights
by FuchsiasAttic
Summary: Hotch is staying late at the office. He thinks he is alone, so becomes incredibly annoyed when he finds he is not. He unleashes something in himself that he did not expect. WARNINGS: Dub-con/non con, language
1. Chapter 1

H'lo everybody! I hope you enjoy this. It's been a really long time since I wrote a fanfiction, so I hope it's alright!

It's odd the way silence becomes its own sound. The steady hum of quiet filled up inside Hotchner's skull, but did not push his conflicted thoughts out. It made his head hurt even more. That could have been the drink in his hand, of course, but no. That was meant to help. Not that it was doing much good anyway.

The sudden knock on his door made him jump back, his knee slamming the top of his desk.

"Fuck." His breath hissed through his gritted teeth. He put the glass down and rubbed his knee. He stood up, a bit annoyed that he had not been alone after all. The sense of solitude had been strangely thrilling, but now he would have to explain himself to whoever was knocking. "Yeah, coming." He stood up and walked awkwardly to the door. His knee would definitely be bruised later.

Of course. He should have figured that it would be Spencer on the other side of the door. It seemed like he never left the office, especially lately.

"What is it, Reid." Hotch asked. His tone was always serious, but there was something harsh in his voice that made Spencer a little nervous.

"Oh, I was just, um, I saw your light on, so-" Reid mumbled, gesturing awkwardly at Hotch's office and back at his own desk.

"Yeah, I decided to stay a little late. Get some work done." Hotch said stonily. "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, same." Reid put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "Want to get a drink, or something?"

Hotch studied him. He liked Spencer, he was a good kid, but there was something about him, right now, that was just driving him crazy. Reid was making him feel –what was it? He felt uncomfortable, but couldn't figure out why. Suddenly much more self-conscious, less himself. It was like he was wearing another person's clothes, and they were too small for him.

"Sorry," Reid said, staring down at his feet now, "I'll just, get going. Let you get back to whatever you're doing."

He turned away, and Hotch couldn't help but see him as a sad little kid who had just been slapped across the palm with a ruler. That thought sent a warm rush through his body that settled where Hotch had not expected it to. "Reid," he found himself saying, "get in here." He turned and went back into his office, settling by his desk. He touched it gently, leaning a little. He felt light headed. Had he drunk that much? It didn't seem like it.

He turned and saw Spencer still lingering in the doorway. "Reid, get in here." Same words, but more forceful. Hotch noticed Spencer jumped a little. He finally came into the office, but kept his distance, like he knew something wasn't quite right.

"You could close the door," Hotch said. He let out a contemptuous, breathy laugh.

Spencer's forehead wrinkled. He looked sad again, and that image of a hurt and helpless Dr. Reid gave Hotchner chills.

Spencer hesitated a minute, watching his boss carefully, before deciding to believe there was nothing to worry about, and shut the door.

_He trusts me so much that it's a bit pathetic,_ Hotch thought.

"Is everything okay?" Reid asked quietly. His arms were clasped in front of him, making him look more vulnerable than usual.

Hotch watched him for a few seconds. It delighted him a bit to see Reid shift uncomfortably, to see his eyes flicker to the window. Was he worried that the blinds were down? Hotch hoped so. Spencer seemed to grow more self-conscious as Hotch's dark eyes glared at him. Hotch was fine with that.

"Why did you come in here, Reid?" His voice was low and cold.

Spencer's eyebrows furrowed, "Sir?"

"You heard me, Reid, god damn it. Why did you come in here?"

"You, you just told me to-"

"No, why did you come knocking at the god damn door, Reid? What do you want?"

Was Spencer's heart beating faster now? Hotch strained to hear it. He made himself believe he could. Yes, it was beating much faster. And Reid's skin was probably dampening with a cold sweat.

Reid's mouth hung open slightly. He closed it, then opened again, but only a confused sound escaped his lips.

Hotch left his spot by the desk and walked, slowly, closer to where Spencer stood. "Don't you back away from me, Spencer," he growled as the young man took a step back.

"Sir, I'm not sure if I did something wrong, but, maybe I should just-"

"'Just'? Just what? Go?" He laughed, "Is that what you'd like to do?" Spencer's eyes were wide open. And, standing this close, Hotch could definitely hear his heart beating hard beneath his chest. "Don't play games like that with me, Spencer."

"Games like, what? I don't know what you're-"

"Don't play dumb, Spencer. I've seen you. For weeks now, you've been making it more than obvious."

"Making what obvious?" Spencer's voice dropped to what was not much more than a squeak. "Hotch, please, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sorry if I've done something to upset you."

Hotch laughed. "Something to upset me? I know what you're doing, trying to make me look stupid." He stopped, wiping the gathering sweat from his forehead. He hardly knew what he was saying, but suddenly he was furious. "Don't think I haven't seen you." He lowered his voice and stepped closer, "Don't think I haven't seen you, watching me."

Spencer went pale. He stepped back, away from his boss. He stumbled a little, but hardly seemed to notice. "Hotch," his voice cracked, "Hotch, I don't know what is going on." He looked at the desk, at the glass of whiskey. "Sir, if you want to be alone, it's fine, I can leave." He backed closer to the door, reaching out for the handle. Hotch moved briskly passed him, and put one hand on the doorknob. He locked it with the other. Just in case there was a janitor or somebody outside, couldn't be too careful.

Hotch was growing harder. It was humiliating, the way the sight of a scared and trusting young man was affecting him. And Spencer Reid did trust him, didn't he? He trusted him with his life, every day. He knew that what he was doing would ruin their work together. It would destroy the team, wouldn't it? But he couldn't care less about that now. What was it he even wanted? It was as if his body had taken over; he was possessed and listening from somewhere else as a voice much like his said to his young subordinate, "You're not going anywhere right now, Spencer."

He reached out and snatched Reid's hair, holding his head back. Reid yelped, holding his hands up by his face automatically. A strange, nervous smiled formed on Spencer's face. It was unsettling the way he smiled, like he thought this was some kind of bizarre misunderstanding. It wasn't.

"You think this is a joke, Reid?" He pulled his hair back more, shaking him, "Do you?"

"No, sir," the smile fell. "Hotch, please, you're hurting me."

"Good." He released Reid's hair and shoved him, sending him against the wall. He hit it hard, knocking the wind out of him. He gasped for air, holding his hand to his chest. Before he could have the chance to move, Hotchner was against him, his hands pressed against the wall on either side of Reid's head. "You think I haven't seen the way you've been looking at me, Spencer? You think I don't know what's going on inside that head of yours? You think I'm stupid?"

Spencer coughed and gasped, trying to get air back into his lungs. "Hotch," he choked out, "No, of course not…"

Hotchner slammed his hand against the wall, and shivered when he saw the way it made Spencer jump. He smiled slyly. "You like to fuck men, Reid?"

Spencer's eyes widened. He made a pathetic gasping sound, like he was holding back tears. "What?"

"You heard me, Reid. ..?" He stared hard at Spencer. He looked so afraid, Hotch almost felt sorry for him. But it was affecting him in another way, too, one that was much stronger.

Reid steadied his gaze, and at last calmly said "That's not really any of your business, sir."

Hotch's eyebrows rose. "Oh? Is that so?" He laughed. "I knew it. Spencer Reid is a little sissy boy."

Spencer's eyes dropped shamefully, "No, no I'm not."

"No? You're telling me you like to be fucked in the ass but you're not a faggot?" Spencer flinched. That was never a word that he thought Hotch would utter, never. "Tell me, Spencer, if you aren't a queer, what do you think of this?" Without thinking, he closed the gap between them. His lips pressed against Spencer's, hard. A muffled cry remained trapped in Spencer's mouth. It remained tightly closed against Hotch's harsh kiss and his forward tongue. Hotch broke away from the kiss only long enough to say "Open your mouth, god damn you, open it." A small tear rolled down Spencer's cheek as he complied. His lips parted, only slightly, just enough encouragement for Hotch to attach his mouth again, feverishly sucking his lips and pushing his tongue through them. Reid's lips were soft. His mouth was warm.

Hotch's dick had become painfully hard. He pressed his pleading erection against Reid's slender thigh, subtly grinding his hips.

He broke the kiss at last. His hands snaked up Reid's shoulders and around his neck, massaging him, clawing at him, and he buried his face into Reid's neck, kissing the soft skin and biting at it. Reid was making incoherent sounds now, protesting and pushing against his boss, but very weakly. Hotch was thrilled when he realized Reid was hard, too, that Reid's erection was pressing into Hotch's leg.

"What have we here, Reid?" Hotch mumbled into the young man's throat. His hands were tangled up in Spencer's hair, his lips against his jaw line, kissing and licking. "You want me to touch it, don't you?"

"Hotch, please no," Spencer pleaded. His eyes were shut, but the tears were still managing to escape.

Hotchner's hand slid down the young man's body, rubbing his shoulder, his chest, clutching and pulling at his sweater vest as it traveled down. He hung onto Spencer's belt for a moment, his fingers slipping beneath the fabric there. It was warm. He wanted to feel that. But not yet, now he left his hand where it could be seen, and it snaked down Reid's leg. He roughly massaged Reid's thigh, wrinkling the khaki pants that Reid had probably ironed that morning.

He slowly let his hand move up; teasingly slow, until he finally let it rest between Reid's legs. Both men gasped. Reid's knees buckled slightly, but Hotch had him gripped around the waist. He pressed against him, sighing into Reid's neck and rubbing his hand on the impressively sized cock beneath it.

"Wow, Reid," Hotch sighed. "I never saw that coming."

Reid's eyes were still tightly closed. His face was clenched in an expression that turned Hotch on even more. It was an expression of fear, but mostly of shameful enjoyment. "You're enjoying this, aren't you, Spencer?" His lips brushed against Spencer's. He knew the younger man was enjoying it, on some level. His cock was throbbing, growing even bigger.

"Hotch," Reid managed to gasp, "Hotch, please."

Hotch grinned wickedly and released Reid, earning a gasp from his subordinate's lips.

"Nhh-" a strange moan came from Reid's throat as his hips bucked forward. The loss of contact was jarring.

Reid tried again to move, to get out of Hotchner's reach. He was weaker, now. His legs felt wobbly and useless. Hotch easily took hold of him and pushed him back against the wall. He leaned in close, their cheeks touching. "You're sick, you know that?" His tongue darted out and licked Reid's ear. "I bet you like having your cock sucked, don't you?"

"Hotch," Spencer pleaded, "Hotch, please stop."

"Sir. That is what you will call me, Spencer."

Spencer shook his head, "No. Please, let me go. It's fine, you won't get in trouble, I won't tell anybody else in the team. You're drinking, it's not your fault."

"I'm _what?_" Hotchner's eyes were dark and frightening, "What did you say to me? Did you dare say that to me, you little bitch?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I'm sorry." Reid was shaking. "I didn't mean it, I'm sorry."

"That's right, you little sissy boy. Now, let's try this again. Do you want me to suck your cock, Spencer?"

There was a weighted silence between them before Spencer finally choked out a "yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, sir."

Hotch grinned. "Maybe if you're a good boy." He stroked Spencer's hair softly before grabbing a fistful. "Get over to the desk."

"Sir, please," Reid cried, "whatever you're thinking of doing, please, you don't have to do it."

Hotch laughed coldly. "Thank you, Dr. Reid, that is very informative. Now go to my desk, and bend over."

A deliciously terrified look came over Spencer's face. Hotch couldn't resist, he began to touch himself. This made Reid's eyes widen even more, and his lip began to quiver. But slowly, he did what he was told. He made his way to the desk, hesitating. He looked back at Hotch with pleading eyes.

"Don't just stand there, Reid, bend over."

Reid let out a humiliated cry, but complied. He buried his face in his hands and waited for his boss to follow him. Hotch circled around to the other side of the desk and opened up one of the drawers. He pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. He'd started bringing lube to the office when he realized how badly he needed to jack off at the end of the day. He knew it was perfectly normal, that it was a release, and that with his stressful job, it was entirely understandable. But what he hated himself for was the way Reid always was in his thoughts as he touched himself. That when he was around Reid, that was when his "problem" seemed to develop. That Reid's body was all he thought of as he came. And now he had him, bent over his desk, crying and waiting for him. He undid his belt as he walked to Reid. The sound of his fly unzipping seemed incredibly loud in the silent room. The pants dropped to his ankles. He took his jacket off and threw it away from him.

"Now yours, Spencer." His hands snaked around Reid's hips, darting down to Reid's still hard dick, rubbing it to make sure Reid remembered this was Hotch's. He could touch it if he wanted, when he wanted.

Hotch never expected the jingle of a belt to be so erotic, but the sound of Reid's as he unclasped it made him moan with anticipation. He unzipped him and impatiently tore down Reid's pants and boxers. Reid made a low sobbing sound, "Hotchner, please, I'm begging you don't do this. Please, I've never done this before."

"What, a little slut like you? I find that hard to believe." He squeezed the lube onto his hand, the stickiness oozing through his fingers, and he coated his dick with it. He wiped the rest of it in Reid's ass, his finger circling the small entrance, and poking in just a little. Reid flinched, but his hips moved back against his boss. He was mumbling "No", and "please", but his resolve seemed to be gone. "I want you to know," Hotchner hissed into Reid's ear, "that this," holding up his still sticky hand, "is not for _you_. This is not to make _you_ more comfortable. I am just tired of you giving me such a god damn hard time, and this is so I can fuck you as easily as I want. Understood?" Reid nodded desperately. "Good." Hotch took hold of Reid's hips, and moved himself so the tip of his cock was wedged against the small orifice. He pushed in, just a little.

"Ungh," Hotch groaned. He liked it like this, slow, savouring the feeling of Reid's body squeezing against his aching dick. "You're so tight. Maybe you are a sissy virgin after all." He pushed in deeper. Reid squirmed, a small, pained sound escaping his lips. "Relax," Hotch said softly. "If you tense up, it will just be more difficult for you."

Reid looked back at him. Tears were running down his face. "Stop, please."

Hotch's eyes were closed. He pushed in just a bit more, and there. He was all the way inside of Spencer. His head dropped. The woozy feeling began to come back, and his knees felt weak. "Do you know how good this feels…" he said quietly, not really to Spencer at all. He pulled back out, slowly. Spencer cried.

"Please, sir, Aaron, please I'm begging you to stop." He squirmed more, but he could not escape. He was pinned between the desk, and between the man he had thought would never hurt him.

Aaron was moving in and out now, his fingers digging into Spencer's slender hips. He hoped they would leave marks. He wanted Spencer to see those bruises and think of him. To make it so he could not forget tonight. He could try to dissociate, if he wanted, but those marks were still there.

"Oh, god, Oh god, Reid," Hotch was slamming against Reid more desperately, savoring the tightness and the warmth and the pained sounds coming from the man beneath him. It wasn't just pain, was it? Spencer was enjoying this, even if he didn't want to admit it. Hotch reached in front and held onto Reid's cock. "You're still quite hard, aren't you?" He sighed. His hand began to move in rhythm with his own hips. Reid moaned, he squirmed, and he pressed back into his boss. Grunts were escaping his pretty mouth, and salty tears hit his tongue.

"Fuck," Hotch groaned, "Fuck, Reid, I'm coming, fuck," He pushed himself in, hard, and Reid felt a pulsing inside him.

Hotch pushed softly into Reid several more times, each pulse driving the movement. He stopped finally, the euphoria spreading all over his body. They stayed like that for a while, him leaning against Reid's back. They were both sweaty, with mussed hair. Reid's sweater had been pushed up, tangled and wrinkled, exposing his lean chest.

"Don't worry, Reid," Hotch's voice was raspy. "I haven't forgotten about you. Turn around."

Reid turned slowly. His face was red, though Hotch wasn't sure it was from the crying. Reid was still hard. It was beautiful. Hotch was in awe of the thin hips, the pronounced hip bones and flat stomach, and then the thick and beautiful penis between his legs. Hotch dropped to his knees, and held onto Reid's hips. He nuzzled Spencer's erection, licking now and again. Spencer's head rolled back while he held onto the desk for support. He was licking his lips and pushing against Hotch's face.

For the first time that night, Hotch felt nervous. So far it had all been about his own pleasure. Why was he bothering with Spencer's? Maybe it was just that it was too tempting, it was there, this beautiful thing that he could manipulate. But what if he couldn't make him come? He had never done this before. But no, he could not hesitate. He could not show Reid his apprehension.

He pursed his lips against the tip of Reid's dick. Reid let out a cry and tried to push himself deeper into Hotch's mouth. Hotch gagged, and pushed Reid's hips back.

"No." He glared up at Spencer. Then he smiled. "I knew you wanted this."

Spencer shook his head. "No, no I don't." But his eyes were gently closed and he was swaying. The pre cum was dribbling from the tip of Reid's cock. Hotch licked it up with a single, strong stroke, his eyes never leaving Reid's face. It was torture; he wanted Reid in his mouth. He greedily took him in, deep, his tongue rubbing underneath, where he knew it was sensitive. He sucked, moving his head back and forth. Reid grabbed his boss by the back of the hair, moving him faster.

"Your….your tongue- please," Spencer moaned helplessly.

Hotch decided to be just a little merciful, and complied. His tongue circled the top of Reid's cock, sliding beneath it, lapping desperately. It was sloppy, and probably not with the greatest technique, but he didn't care. He just wanted to taste Reid, at last. It was suddenly what he wanted more than anything. He moved faster, sucked harder, running his hands up and down Reid's thighs. Reid gasped and squeezed his fist, tightening his grasp on Aaron's hair.

"No, no…" Reid moaned.

Hotch sucked one last time, and suddenly his mouth was filled with something warm and tangy. He gagged at first, but he didn't want any of it leaving his mouth. He wanted Reid's cum inside of him. He wanted Reid to know he had swallowed it, that he was controlling everything. When the throbbing in his mouth slowed, he pulled away, wiping his wet lips on the back of his sleeve. Reid's legs became weak, and he dropped to the floor. Hotch reached out, trying to catch him.

"Careful," he said, and immediately regretted it. There was silence between them. It was terrifying. The high that Aaron had been riding was crashing down, now, and the full reality hit him. His thoughts were panicked and scrambled. He was screaming in his head. He was sure Reid could hear his thoughts. "Reid, I-" He finally looked up at him. Reid's face was blank, staring at the floor. He was nonresponsive for what seemed like forever. Finally, he looked up, and met Hotch's gaze. His stare was surprisingly direct, and made Hotch cower.

And then Reid smiled.

Hotch crinkled his forehead. Why was he smiling? What was he planning to do? He was going to tell someone, of course. He was going to get Hotch sent to prison. He expected to hear "I hope it was worth it, because you're going away for a long time, you sick old fuck."

But he didn't say that. He kept smiling, and then said with a scratchy voice, "You noticed."

"I…what?"

"You finally took the hint." Reid blushed. "I was kind of afraid you didn't notice me and how I've been watching you." He chuckled. "Took you long enough."

Hotch was speechless. Yes, he had noticed Reid looking at him, but he'd only made the insinuations as to why to humiliate him.

Reid got on all fours, leaning forward and brushing his cheek against Hotch's. "I knew you'd understand," he whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hullo! I hope you enjoyed the first part. I thought it was going to be finished there, but I liked the suggestion of carrying on to see what the effects are. I hope you like it!_

Hotch's breath caught in his throat. "Reid," he started. His hand brushed his mouth. What could he say? What he had done, this wasn't one of his fantasies. This had happened, this was out, another person had been affected. He had been so tired of keeping things in his head, but this was worse.

He could feel Reid looking at him. Hotch knew he was a coward. He couldn't bear to look at Reid; he kept his eyes down, even when Reid put his hand on Hotch's leg and whispered his name.

"Reid, you really should just go." He peaked at Spencer, just a flash of a glance, but long enough to see his expression crumble.

He heard a choked sob come from Spencer, who had collapsed back by the desk. "But, I can't. I can't go home now." His fingers were in his hair, pulling at it, his nails digging into his scalp. "You-I thought you knew."

"Knew what, Spencer?" Hotch said in a voice that made Reid jump. "This was…yes, I shouldn't have done what I did, and I'm sorry."

Reid began to cry. "Please don't say that."

Hotch finally looked up at him. He felt ill. He needed Spencer to leave; he needed him to go so he could pretend this never happened. "What do you want me to say? This should not have happened. I was, oh God, I was….I don't know what came over me."

Spencer's eyes were red, "Don't do this to me, please. Hotch..." He crawled forward, cringing from the pain that shot through him with each movement. He kneeled in front of him. "Look at me." His voice broke and he lowered his head as sobs shook his body.

Hotch stood up. He searched the office for something to wipe the lube off his hands. He had tissues in the desk, he remembered. Had to go back there to put the lube away, anyhow. As he crossed to the desk, Reid grabbed onto his leg.

"Let go of me," Hotch said quietly, trying to release himself. Reid's tears were smearing against his leg. "Stop it!" Hotch felt a rush of panic and kicked Reid off of him. He knelt down and grabbed Spencer by the back of the head. His fingers entwined in his hair, he pulled his head back hard, harder than he should have. Spencer smiled. It was that eerie, unsettling smile that seemed to come not from a place of happiness, but something darker. And it scared the shit out of Aaron. "Listen to me," he said. "This should not have happened. I- I don't know why this happened, but it did, and there isn't anything I can do to take it back."

Reid's fingers reached up to touch Aaron's face gently, "Don't say that," he whispered.

Aaron grabbed Spencer's wrist and pinned it to the floor, "Do not touch me. Are you listening to me, god damn it? This never happened. This wasn't, I…" he shook his head. There were no words. It was like waking from a strange nightmare, but this nightmare had affected his waking world.

Spencer reached up with his other arm and wrapped it around Hotch's neck, stroking his hair with long fingers. He tried to pull himself closer, pushing towards Hotch's face. "Kiss me again, please."

Hotch shuddered and pulled Reid's hand off of him. "You're sick," he mumbled. "Get out of here. Take a few days off. You'll need it. I'll tell the others you're not feeling well." He laughed, "With your history, I'm sure they'll understand it," he said gesturing to the creases in his elbows.

Reid gasped as if he'd been hit. "You know I don't do that anymore." He tried to stand, but his abused body wouldn't hold him.

"Come on, get up, Reid."

He shook his head sadly, "I …I can't, it hurts." He looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Will you help me?"

Hotch ignored him and went about putting his clothes back on. He found Reid's pants and threw them in his direction. "Put these back on."

"You can't do this to me, Hotch. You're not like this."

"How do you know what I'm like, Reid? You don't know anything about me, not really. You know how I am when I'm on the job, that's it." He stopped speaking. He didn't need to explain himself. He was quiet and still for a moment, his hand to his mouth while his mind went blank. He snapped out of it when he realized Spencer was still staring at him. "What is wrong with you? Put your clothes back on, and go home." A fear took over him suddenly. "You're not going to tell anyone about this, you understand?"

Reid smiled sadly, "Why? What will you do to me if I tell?"

Hotch shook his head, "No. Reid, we are not going to do this. If you say anything, to anyone, I will ruin you. Do you understand me?" He shook his head. "Now put your clothes on, and go home."

He watched from the corner of his eye as Reid struggled, wincing, to pull his pants back on. Hotch couldn't help but feel like crying. Reid was fragile anyway, and now Hotch had broken him.

"Please, I can't stand up, it hurts." Reid put his arm out. It was shaking, but he held it out. Hotch would reach out, he wasn't this awful, he would pull him up. He would hold him and let him cry.

"What, you want me to carry you home, too, I bet." Hotch shook his head, "You can do it yourself. You're a big boy." He snorted, "It's surprising how big you really are." He buttoned up his jacket and smoothed himself out. "I'm going home. Leave on your own, but do not touch anything." He knelt down and took Reid's jaw in his hand. "You will _not_ tell anyone about this. Understood?" Reid touched the hand holding his face and stroked it gently. Hotch shook him off, feigning disgust.

He left the office quickly, breaking into a quick jog as soon as he knew Reid could no longer see him.

_More is coming! Reviews would be great so I can know if you like it/where to go from here Thanks for reading!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Third part! Hope you like it. Thank you all so much for reading and for the reviews! I love hearing back from you.**

**I do have more, I just realized as I was typing up the third part that it was getting a little long, so I thought I would break it into two! **

_Oh God._

The room spun. Hotch leaned against the wall when he saw him. What was he doing at work?

_Stand up,_ Hotch ordered himself. _Don't let anyone see you like this._

He forced himself away from the wall. He began counting his steps in his head. His heart was pounding; it felt like 10 heartbeats per footstep. Worse when he passed by the desk. He couldn't look at him, but he felt he was being stared at.

"Morning, Hotch," he heard a voice say to him weakly.

Hotch kept moving, but managed to say "Good morning, Reid," as he passed.

_Get to your office. That is all you need to do right now. _He took rigid mechanical steps, _one, two, three, four...Focus on your breathing. _

He took his keys out of his pocket. They felt heavy in his hand. He clumsily found the right one, and opened the door. He wanted to run inside, slam the door behind him and lock it, but he forced himself to enter calmly, shut the door almost all the way, leave it open just a crack.

_Just get through today. You'll have the whole weekend to think. Just get through today._

The minutes felt like hours as they ticked by. He wasn't going to make it. Every second he was here convinced him he was going insane. Who was he helping by coming in to work today? It was to keep up appearances, but of course the team would be able to tell he was behaving strangely. They were hired for their ability to analyze behavior and come to conclusions. They would notice the way he was acting, and they would notice the way Reid was acting. It was only a matter of time. But maybe, if he left, if he said he was sick and he just went home?

Tickticktick

_Breathe in, out…_

"I can't do this," he whispered. _I have to get out of here. _

He pushed his chair back away from the desk so hard it almost hit the wall. Did he have his keys? There, under some papers on the desk. When had he taken those papers out? He shook his head. "I have to go. Now." He put his keys back in his pocket. He looked out and saw Reid. He was talking to Morgan, and, was he laughing? Hotch squinted his eyes in disbelief. Reid was handling this better than he was. Of course, Reid looked a bit pale, a bit sick, but that was so slight it wouldn't have been immediately noticed. He was acting as if nothing had happened.

_How is he able to do that? _Hotch thought with envy.

His guts twisted. Morgan was making Reid laugh, Morgan was making Reid happy. There was something between them, wasn't there? A cold sweat tingled over him when Morgan reached out and playfully messed with Reid's hair.

_I really am sick,_ Hotch thought.

His feet felt made of lead as he walked to where Reid and Morgan stood. He walked faster when he saw Morgan and Reid getting closer. Morgan was whispering something, another joke maybe. Hotch had to get between them, or make them stop looking at each other, anything.

"I'm going home," he blurted out, less carefully than he'd wanted to. "I'll be back on Monday. Have a good weekend," the words spilled out of his mouth. Without waiting for a response he left.

Of course, he heard footsteps following him.

"Hotch!" Reid's voice called out. The footsteps were gaining, and Hotch felt Reid's long hand on his shoulder.

"Don't-" Hotch flipped around, his hand raised. _Calm down,_ he thought. _People can see you._

Reid flinched. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Reid," Hotch said quietly. He was staring down at his feet. "I just can't be here right now."

Reid nodded, "Yeah, I get it." He tucked his hair behind his ear nervously. "Want me to drive you home?"

"No, no I do not want you to drive me home. I don't want you anywhere near me, okay?"

Reid bit his lip as it began to tremble. He ran his hands through his hair again and looked away from Hotch until he stopped feeling as if he was going to cry. He managed a bitter smile, "I'm pretty sure I should be the one saying that, wouldn't you agree?"

Aaron was silent for a moment, then nodded vehemently. "Yes, yes I would agree. Now, please, I think it's better for both of us if we just stay away from each other for a little bit."

"Why?" Reid took a step closer, and grinned sadly. "Are you afraid of what might happen?" He put his hand up to touch Hotch's face.

"For Christ sake, Reid, we're in public. Don't touch me." Aaron backed away, looking around the hallway with terrified eyes. No one was around that they could see, but it didn't make him feel any better. His insides suddenly felt very hot, and he spat out "Why don't you go back to Morgan? It looked like you two were having a great time."

Reid's forehead wrinkled in confusion. A slow smile spread across his lips. "Hotch, are you jealous?"

Aaron said nothing. He tried to walk away, but Reid caught his arm. He slapped it away, as if Reid's fingers were scalding hot.

"It's okay if you are," Reid said, still smiling. "I'd kind of like it." Quickly, before Hotch could even register, Reid pulled himself in close, his hands behind Aaron's neck. His fingers absentmindedly stroked his skin as he tried to kiss him.

"You're disgusting," Aaron shoved him away. He saw Reid's expression fall, he saw him go pale, but he couldn't stay and try to comfort him. "I have to go," he mumbled before turning and getting into the elevator.

_Thank God for small blessings,_ he thought as he walked into his house, locking the door behind him. No one else here, he didn't have to worry what the others were thinking. Here, there were no "others". Just photographs on tables or on the walls. The time-locked eyes staring at him were unnerving, somehow. He took some off the walls and put them away. The ones on the tables he turned over.

He put on a cd and lay down on his couch. The music filled in the throbbing quiet that made his head hurt, the lyrics louder than his thoughts. He wanted the sounds to stop the thoughts and the flashbacks, but they still came. The silence, though. He couldn't take that. It was awful. His head was going to explode. He wanted to cry, he wanted to rage, but couldn't. He was powerless. He couldn't take back what he'd done, he couldn't make sure Reid would keep quiet, he couldn't make sure that Reid would even be okay. Should he give him a call, or visit?

"Of course not," Hotch said out loud. "Of course not, don't be ridiculous."

"I raped him," Hotch mumbled. The words had no meaning. Was it because, in his job, the word "rape" was simply part of the routine? It barely had any shock value any more. When a victim was raped, Hotch put all his energy into catching the rapist. It was automatic. "Rape" meant "find the profile, and catch the rapist". Like a machine. But, how could he have known he was capable of raping? Of raping Spencer?

He shuddered, thinking back on it. It had felt so good, better than anything he'd ever felt, but then, God, it made him sick. He hated himself.

He heard it begin to rain outside. It started softly, then steadier, the rain hissing as it mercilessly splattered onto the ground. The water running off the roof, pouring by the windows. He had a sudden thought of his house as a giant umbrella, and it made him chuckle.

He tried not to think of Reid. But he was there in his mind, and wouldn't leave. Reid and Morgan smiling at each other. Morgan was good for Reid. Morgan had not, so far as Hotch knew, hurt him the way he had. He played the night before over and over. Reid bent over on the desk. He had felt so warm, his skin was so soft. He was so thin, so trusting. Hotch felt a sob catch in his throat. "No,no,no…"he mumbled. He rubbed his temples, shook his head, but it didn't help. Reid probably wouldn't report it. Hotch knew the statistics. He knew that with women, only one in fifty normally report a rape. Men were even less likely to report it. He had seen it in his work countless times. He knew it, he knew the chances of Reid going to someone about this were low, but they were still there.

_If it had been anyone else who'd done this to him,_ Hotch thought, _he would have come to me. _

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. It was late. How late, he didn't know. He didn't care. He didn't want to set an alarm. He wanted to sleep forever.

He had a brief, dreamless sleep. He didn't know how long it lasted, but knew he awoke to the sound of the doorbell ringing.

His heart knocked against his ribs, like it was startled and trying to escape. It beat fast and terrified. He darted his drowsy glances around the room. Where was he? It looked familiar…no. He was home. Why was he in the living room? Where were his pictures? He rubbed his eyes hard, until he saw stars. He sat up too fast and the room began to spin.

The doorbell rang again. He looked to the door, then to the window. _The police,_ he thought. _Fuck. Reid did tell somebody._ No, he didn't see any police lights outside. But that didn't mean anything. They probably didn't want to startle him. He walked softly to the door, or tried to. He stumbled and hit the wall with a loud thud. The doorbell rang.

He opened the door just a little, just enough to look outside.

He let out an unintelligible sound of horror. "Reid, what are you doing here?"


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer Reid was shivering, dripping wet. Rain water dripping from his hair, caught in his eyelashes, running down his face. Hotch gulped; Reid had a white shirt on under his vest; it was sticking to him. He looked beautiful.

"I need to talk to you," Reid said, his teeth clattering. His eyes were squinting, trying to keep the water out. "Please, it's really cold out here." He laughed nervously and shook the hair out of his face.

"It's…it's not a good time," Hotch managed to get out. He tried to shut the door, but Reid's hand shot out and held it open. It caught Hotch off guard, and he backed away. The door swung open as he let go. Reid came in, water dripping onto the carpet.

"Reid," Hotch started. What could he even say? He wanted Reid gone. This was not supposed to happen. "You're soaking wet."

Reid laughed, still shivering. "You're very observant, Hotch."

"Look, why don't you go home, get some warm clothes on. You'll get sick."

Reid shook his head. "People don't get sick that way. It's the germs that get you, not the rain. But, I am pretty cold, I'll give you that." He paused before asking shyly, "Do you have a robe or something I could wear?"

Hotch furrowed his brows at him in disbelief. "What?" He laughed coldly. "You come into my house, in the middle of the night, you wake me up, and you have the nerve to ask me for anything? It's not my fault you were standing out in the rain!"

"I think you owe me something, after what you did," Reid said. His voice wasn't confrontational. It was sad, and quiet.

Hotch shook his head. "It was a mistake, Reid, I know that. But you can't be here, now. It's not," he sighed, "It's not good for you."

There was an unbearably tense silence. Reid was shivering harder now. Hotch couldn't help it, he wanted to go to Reid and wrap his arms around him. He took a step forward, but no. He needed to convince Reid to leave, now.

Finally, Reid spoke up. "Why do you hate me, Hotch?" He betrayed himself by letting out a little sob. He moved towards him, his arm outstretched. "I never thought you would hate me, but you do, don't you?"

Hotch felt tears build in his eyes. He turned away from him, ignoring the hand reaching out to him. Reid followed him, cut in front and took him by the shoulders.

"Don't touch me!" Hotch shoved Reid, hard, knocking him to the ground. Reid got up immediately and tried to take hold of him again. "Stop it!" Hotch cried out. His voice sounded unlike his own. It was hysterical sounding, almost a shriek.

"Hotch, please just listen to me!" He stopped shaking him and began to cry. He said something, mumbled something into his hands. He looked up at Hotch tearfully. "It's so unfair. It's so unfair it's so unfair…" the words ran together while he shook his head. He curled his fingers into his palms until his knuckles turned white. He pressed them into his forehead and curled his fingers into his hair. "Why did you do this to me?" Reid cried. "I thought….I thought maybe you loved me too! I let you hurt me, you hurt me so much, but I thought," he shook his head and laughed. The laugh was frightening. Aaron's face was white as he watched his former friend going mad. "I thought," Reid continued pleadingly, "I thought it would be worth it! I thought you were just hurting me like that because, I don't know, you didn't know how else to express how you felt. But you…it didn't mean anything to you, did it?"

"No, Reid, it didn't." Hutch muttered. He couldn't look at him. He knew if he did, Reid would be able to tell he was lying. "I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry?" Reid's breath was coming in shorter gasps as he sobbed. "I love you, Aaron. I love you so much and…" he covered his mouth with his hand and stepped backward woozily. "I just wanted you to make love to me."

"That wasn't _love, _Reid. That wasn't love! I raped you? Don't you understand…" he walked away from him. His head was pounding. This couldn't be real, he couldn't have let this happen. It had to be a nightmare. "Wake up wake up wake up" he chanted to himself.

"But…" Reid stepped towards him, "but I, I kept telling myself last night that the pain would be worth it. That the, the horrible things you said to me were worth it because-" he stopped. "Look at me, Aaron." He grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him backwards. "Look at me!"

Aaron whipped around and shoved him again. Reid tripped over his feet and fell back to the ground. Aaron got down to the floor with him, above him, on his hands and knees. He put all his pressure onto Reid's shoulders to keep him from getting up. "Listen to me, and listen well, alright? Last night was a _mistake_. I should not have done what I did. I don't want you, Spencer."

"Then why did you do it?" Spencer's voice cracked.

"You know just as well as I do that rape is not about love or desire or sex, it's about establishing dominance, humiliating the other person. It's about power. Don't act like you don't know that."

"But you don't need to establish power, Aaron," he said quietly. He reached up to run his fingers lightly through Aaron's hair. "There has to be another reason."

Hotch left Reid's hand in his hair. He couldn't move; it felt good. It was making him hard again, God help him. "No, there was no other reason." His eyes closed. He let Reid stroke his hair. His pressure on Reid's shoulders softened, just enough for Reid to lean up and try to bring him into a kiss. He almost let him. But he felt Reid on his leg, Reid had grown hard too.

"No." He shook his head and got up, leaving Spencer on the floor. He had to think. There had to be a way out of this. There had to be. His brain was spinning, but grasping at nothing. There was nothing. This was not a stranger. This was someone he cared about, or who he had cared about.

Hotch turned, about to tell Reid that he knew he had whatever was coming to him. But his jaw dropped. "Reid, stop. What are you doing?"

Reid had taken his vest off and was quickly unbuttoning his shirt. Hotch reached out, and took Reid's hand. "Stop doing that."

Reid held onto Aaron's hand. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it frantically.

"Stop it," Hotch said again, his voice barely a whisper. Reid had taken his hand and was rubbing his cheek against it. He brought Aaron's hand to his chest, to his stomach, lower. "Stop," Hotch tried to push Reid away again, but Reid pulled himself in close.

"I need you to touch me again, Hotch," Reid whispered. His eyelids fluttered sleepily as Hotch's unwilling hand pressed against him. Reid licked his lips nervously. "You wanted to touch me last night. Why won't you touch me now?" He laughed a little, "The control thing, right?" He tried to make Hotch look at him. "Is that what it is, Hotch?" He was rubbing himself into Aaron's hand, and he leaned in close, kissing his neck. He took his hand from Aaron's, and reached in to touch between his legs. "I didn't get to touch you before," he explained with a sad smile.

Hotch grunted. His knees were going weak. It infuriated him, but he didn't want to take Reid's hand away. Reid's long, slender fingers were wrapped around his dick and were stroking softly. Aaron leaned against Reid and held on to his shoulders. He felt tears run down his face as Reid held him. Reid's shoulders were so thin and bony, the shoulder blades so pronounced. He could break him in half, if he wanted.

Reid pulled away from him, and brought Aaron's hand to his cheek. "Hit me again," he said. His lip was quivering. He ran his fingers through Aaron's and closed his eyes. "If that's how I can have you, hit me again. Please."

Hotch shook his head and tried to walk away. Reid drew his arm back, and then swung. His palm caught Aaron's cheek with a resounding slap. Aaron's hand flew to his cheek and his eyes opened wide. Spencer was trembling. He took another step forward, his arm went back, this time hitting Aaron in the temple with his hand curled into a fist. Aaron caught Reid by the wrist and tried to hold him, but his other hand struck out and reached into Hotch's hair, pulling at it and clawing. His face was gaunt and pale. Aaron hardly recognized him. His heart was beating hard as he stumbled, trying to get away. Reid had pulled his hand out of Hotch's grasp and struck him, again across the temple. There was a blur as Reid's arms encompassed him, smacking and clawing and punching.

"Stop it!" Hotch screamed, and hit Reid across the cheek with the back of his hand. Reid crashed into the wall, leaving a smear of blood where his temple had hit. Reid blinked rapidly, his mouth open in pain. Hotch's breathing was pounding out of him. The sight of the blood terrified him. He reached out and took Reid by the shoulders, and pulled him in close. He looked into his eyes for a second before softly putting his lips against Reid's. He could feel Reid's lips responding, kissing back. Reid's tongue peaked out, brushing against Hotch's lips. Hotchner's tongue pushed into Reid's mouth, running along Reid's teeth, fiercely massaging Reid's tongue. Reid pulled him in closer, his thin arms wrapped around his boss, his hand on Hotch's lower back, awkwardly brushing and trying to pull his shirt out of his waistband.

Spencer frantically kissed Hotch's neck. He pulled away just enough to unbutton Hotch's shirt, and then kissed his chest, his stomach. He got down on his knees and fiddled with Aaron's belt. His eyes shot up to meet Aaron's while he unzipped his pants and pulled them down. He gave Aaron a sad, crooked grin as he brought his boxers down to his ankles. His gaze went back to what was in front of him. His tongue ran along his bottom lip, in a strangely erotic mix of nervousness and lust. He took hold of Aaron's cock again, and then put him in his mouth.

"Agh!" Aaron shouted and bucked is hips forward. He reached out to the wall for support, his breath heavy and uneven. Reid's head was bobbing swiftly back and forth, his cheeks pinching together, sucking him in as hard as he could. Just as suddenly as he had taken him in his mouth he pulled away, getting a loud, shocked grunt from Hotch. "What are you doing?"

"I want to go into your bed," Reid said quietly.

Aaron glared at him. "No. Out of the question."

Reid shivered, "Please, I want you to make love to me."

Aaron got down on his knees and took Reid by the shoulders. "No. I am not gay, and I will not 'make love' to you."

Reid touched Hotch's face, "Okay." He slapped him again, harder than before. It sent a ringing in Hotch's ear. He did it again, and again, until Hotch grabbed his wrist with one hand and hit him with the other. He wrestled Spencer to the ground, still hitting him.

"Alright, you want me to hurt you? Is that what you want?"

A long tear rolled down Reid's temple and into his hair as he nodded hesitantly. His lip was bleeding a little. Hotch noticed and brought his lips down onto Reid's again, sucking on his lower lip. Reid's arms wrapped around him and he spread his legs to feel Hotch's groin rubbing against his own. They kissed furiously, grinding into each other and panting.

Hotch pulled away, "Stay right here. Do not move."

He ran into the bedroom and pulled open the nightstand. He didn't have much in there, some lubricant, a condom or two , nothing much. He grabbed the lubricant and went back into the living room. Reid had dutifully stayed where he was told.

The sight of Reid lying half naked on the floor made Hotch stop. He swayed dizzily, like a drunk.

"Are you okay?" Reid asked softly. He got up a little, now on his hands and knees.

_Not helping, Spencer,_ Hotch thought. "Christ, what am I doing?" he whispered. He closed his eyes.

"Hotch?" He looked down and saw Spencer had crawled over to him, looking up at him with wide eyes. Fuck, he was beautiful. He was really beautiful.

"I can't do this," Hotch shook his head. Had he learned nothing from today? He could hardly bear to look at Reid because of the guilt and his own self-hatred. He felt sick. He was miserable. And now he was going to violate Reid all over again? Because that is what it would be now, a violation. Reid was acting as if he wanted this, but he was vulnerable. Hotch had betrayed him. "Reid, this is wrong. What I did to you was wrong, and it can't be repeated."

Reid stood up shakily and began to take off his pants. His eyes never left Hotch's face. It was an expression Hotch had seen on Spencer many times, when they were negotiating in a hostage situation or trying to calm an unsub long enough to disarm them. The expression, while fearful, wasn't that of a victim.

"Spencer, please stop," Hotch pleaded quietly. His shallow breaths caught in his throat when Reid slid his underwear to his ankles and stepped out of them. Spencer's pale, slender hips had deep bruises on them from the night before, and scratches from Aaron's fingernails.

A tear fell down Reid's face, "That's what I kept asking you last night." He began to play with himself, still watching Aaron's expression. "I know you still want me."

Hotch stood, frozen, his eyes fixed on Spencer and what he was doing to himself. He knew Spencer could see the effect this was having on him.

He walked to Spencer and took his head in his hands, pulling him into a kiss. He sucked his lips frantically, fitting their lips together, biting him. He reached down to Spencer's hand and began to stroke too. Spencer moaned. His head rolled back, and Hotch's lips brushed easily down. He took the skin between his teeth and sucked. Spencer had stopped touching himself and reached up into his boss's hair, holding onto him as if he could not stand on his own. Hotchner's thumb was rolling the tip of Spencer's dick, making Spencer moan loudly into Aaron's neck.

"Do you want me to fuck you again, Spencer?" Hotch managed to say through heavy breaths.

He felt Reid nodding against him. He mumbled sounds that might have been a "yes."

"Lay down on the ground. On your stomach," Hotch ordered.

Spencer complied eagerly, though Hotch could see that he was shivering. The scratches on Reid's back reminded him this was wrong. He could stop now, if he wanted to. But he wanted Spencer, more than anything.

He squirted the lube onto his hands and ran it over his cock. He knelt down behind Spencer. "This might be cold," he said, and ran his finger over Spencer's orifice. He cringed. Spencer looked sore, red and bruised. He shook his head, "No, I can't do this. It's…too soon, it's going to hurt you too much."

Reid smiled to himself. "You worried about me, Hotch? I thought you weren't concerned about my comfort at all."

"Shut up, Spencer," Hotch said, but couldn't help smiling a little. He lay on top of him, holding on to his dick and pressing it against Reid. "Ready?"

Reid nodded, "Please," he whimpered.

Hotch pushed himself in and felt Reid immediately tense up. "Shh," Hotch whispered into his ear. He buried his face into Reid's neck, lightly brushing the skin with his lips. He was moving in and out of Reid slowly, stroking his hair. He groaned when Reid began to push back against him.

"Harder," Reid sighed.

"Are you sure?"

Reid nodded, "Yes."

Hotch complied, rubbing against him harder, their bodies fitting together perfectly. "You're so warm," he murmured. He slipped his hands under Reid's hips, and began stroking him. Reid arched upwards into it, bringing Hotch in deeper and giving him more room to touch him.

They were moaning together, their breath coming out heavy and loud. Hotch had his other hand entangled in Reid's hair, pulling his head back towards him. He ground against him with abandon, forgetting Reid's comfort, forgetting everything except how it felt. Reid's moans in his ear, their wet kisses, Reid tight against him as he pushed in and out. Reid's whimpers rose in pitch. He reached back and grabbed Aaron's hair with one hand. The other slid down between his legs, to rest on top of Aaron's hand while he continued stroking.

"Hotch, I think, I think I'm coming," Reid moaned.

Aaron panted into Reid's neck, "me too."

Hotch drove himself into the younger man harder. He was moaning loudly, biting Reid's neck and kissing his thin shoulders. Reid let out a loud whimper, and came into Aaron's hand. His dick pulsed, his desire drained and throbbing out of him. The feeling of Reid's orgasm in his hand made Aaron lose any control he'd tricked himself into thinking he had. He came hard inside Reid, still pumping into him softly as he moaned. His fingers ran up and down Reid's back. The orgasm had almost hurt, it was so strong. It felt amazing, feeling the tension leave him, relieved by Reid's body.

They both stopped moving finally, exhausted from each other. Their breathing slowed and quieted, and reason took over Hotch again. The guilt was not far behind.

He pressed his forehead against Reid's back, and began to cry.

"What's wrong?" Reid tried to look behind him. "Hotch?"

Hotch shook his head. Words failed him. He entwined his fingers with Spencer's and squeezed. He had just given Spencer what he wanted. He had made love to him, and, though he couldn't tell Spencer, it had meant something to him. It meant everything. But he couldn't say anything. He wanted to tell Reid he loved him. What would it mean now? After last night, after he had hurt him like that. He could pretend it was, as Reid said, the only way he knew to express his feelings, but he knew that was a lie. He was a coward. He had already hurt the one man he had ever loved, who loved him. He didn't deserve it. You were supposed to protect the person you love, not violate and humiliate them.

Hotch's tears slowed. The euphoria had faded, and it left him feeling empty and cold. "Where do we go from here, Reid?" He took a deep gasp as he tried to stop himself from crying again. He gently kissed Reid's fragile body. "What happens now?"

**The End**

**Thanks to everyone for the reviews! I really hope you liked it. I'm going to write more Hotch/Reid soon. I love them together quite madly :D Thanks for bearing with me as I try to get back into slash fiction!**


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